Hey, Hi, Hello!
Summer is here, and this momma is BUSY! All four of my kids are on the go these days. I can’t believe that my baby is now able to just walk out the door with a “Going to play with Nathan, see ya!”. With school out and summer here, I have neglected the blog, moved away from facebook quite a bit, and have been juggling a lot, while seemingly doing nothing at all.
I’m inspired to write today, because I was telling myself that I’ve not blogged in a while, because like many other post WLS bloggers, our lives become less about our surgery and more about living a normal life. That was the goal in the first place, so lets call that a HUGE NSV. Lets call that success. But at the same time, I’m going to level with you about how far removed my WLS is from my now “normal’ life.
While I may not wake up every single day and marvel at the image in the mirror, I do step on the scale and panic about the number that may come up. Every day I have to remind myself to get in the fluids, because dehydration is always just a blink away for me (for us?). I don’t advertise the fact that I had surgery…. until somebody says to me “WOW, you look incredible! I can’t believe how much weight you’ve lost.” Which is quickly followed up by my telling them I have a sleeve, and how I now have my life back. So yeah, I say I don’t advertise, but I could wear a shirt that states it.
I do get out more often, and I sincerely love summer. That’s new. Really. Heat doesn’t bother me. Walking and climbing aren’t an issue. I’ve been chasing nature with my camera, and finding peace and joy in the images I capture. But to say that that isn’t related to my weight loss would be a lie. Before surgery, summer was a season to stay indoors. That was all. Instead now… I’m relishing nature.
When we get together with friends or family, it may not be apparent that I eat a smaller amount of food, but it is apparent that I fret over the menu quite a bit longer than everybody else at the table. Its always clear that I’ll bring home a doggy bag full of food. I often sit at a table in the restaurants and weigh the option to have social drink, or actually eat a substantial amount of food. The days of a beer and some wings are done. On a normal day, with no liquids before I eat, I can have 3 or 4 chicken wings. If I were to add a beer to that my “normal” night out with friends, would suddenly become a sweating, hiccuping nightmare.
I live my life to be healthy and happy. I try to do what feels best for my physically and emotionally. I’m nearly two years out and I have had my weight shoot up by ten lbs and drop down by 3lbs. I guess we can call that regain. But my clothes fit great, I look good, I feel good. So I try (TRY) not to sweat it. However, I am a former fatty. And the truth of the matter is I sweat every pound. The other truth of the matter is that when I am stressed out, sad, heart broken or struggling… I can resist the urge to dive into a sweet carb sabotage for only so long. If life is especially difficult, I go for the sweets. I know its a poor choice. It doesn’t make me sick. It NEVER makes me feel better. Its a horrible psychological pitfall of feeling bad, doing a bad thing, feeling worse and resenting myself. Yet time and again I do fall into it. BUT… in the name of honesty…. MY WLS keeps me from eating a dozen donuts, it keeps me from downing a full apple turnover. It keeps me from binging in the ‘after school special’ methods of binging.
My weight loss surgery is very much a part of my life. No matter how far out I get, it will remain an every day part of my normal world. I thank God that I have this sleeve, to help me grasp the severity of the poor coping methods in my life. I am thankful that I have this sleeve, because it keeps me from slowly killing myself with food… when life isn’t everything sunshine and fairy tales.
While I really don’t have to talk about my surgery as often as I once did, and while I am now well adjusted to life with this small stomach and its idiosyncrasies, it is my normal. This surgery redefined what normal is for me and for my family. I am no longer obese. I am no longer able to shovel bad food choices down my throat without a second thought. I now have to think before I do, and if I still choose poorly, I pay the price. It keeps me from choosing poorly again for quite a while.
I don’t have super human will power. You will see me eat a hot wing, a piece of bread (though not often), a piece of cake, or any other number of things that are labeled non diet foods. I’m not on a diet. I’m living my life with a small stomach, which can take revenge at any moment. I have to move and work to keep the weight off. I have to work harder to lose the bit I’ve gained. There was nothing magical or easy about this choice. But this is my life, and if went back to 2009 and had to choose again, I would make the exact same choice….with out a doubt.
So, I’ve been missing and I could say that its because my weight loss surgery isn’t as prominent in my life as it use to be, but it is. So instead I’ll say that because of my weight loss, I’ve been out living a life I wasn’t able to live before. And that is why its been a while since I’ve posted here. And to me…. that is the most rewarding post yet.