Is there one moment that ties into your obesity?
I know that with in this community we have people who struggle with so many issues. I am aware that many have fought obesity all of their lives. I know that not everybody has an addictive relationship with food either. This week The Biggest Loser started, and while I confess that I NEVER watch this show & this week is not an exception, the Spina Bifida Association of America posted Ben & Buddy’s interview and my heart stopped a little. Why? A few years ago Ben’s first child was born with Spina Bifida as well as other birth defects. She lived for about five months. She never got to come home. In his interview he talks of how that time in his life was a frenzy of work and hospital, with grabbing what ever fast food he could in between. This marked the beginning of his problem. I understand this so much more than I wish I could.
The timing of this is rough. I’ve told you this is my bad season. But I feel its really important to admit that my weight spiraled out of control, very much the same way. And I Imagine that if many of us look back hard enough, we can probably pin point a turning point where our choices turned on us. Where it was easier to grab something fast and fatty than it was to care enough about what it was we were actually doing to ourselves.
Before Kailey was even born, I was up at the hospital day after day being monitored. My dad was with me for most of those trips, and he sat by my side for hours. Even then, before the baby was born, it was easy to grab something sinfully delicious from Au Bon Pain in the hospital, than it was to put thought into what I wanted to eat before or after the appointments.
Once our girl was born, we (my husband and I) really both went down hill with our weight in a big way. Trying to live in 2 places at once is impossible. We had our 1 year old son at home, nearly an hour away from the NICU where Kailey was. Kevin was working full time, two jobs. We had to be with Kailey, we had to be with little Kevin. Our future plans were in a holding pattern because we didn’t expect anything from one minute to the next. We lived with fear and joy jumbled together.
2 months of living at the hospital at this point.
We may have not been incredibly tiny people, but we were by no means the obese people that we became in the months and years that followed. After a while, the chaos became normal routine, and the desire to look nice or to even care was replaced with simply the desire to get through a day. Food became something that comforted the pain. Crappy day? Have a cookie! REALLY CRAPPY DAY? Lets see what the bakery has & while I’m up that way I’ll hit the deli for a hero and maybe the market for some goodies to leave in the fridge for later.
The eating, stopped being about the convenience of the fast food places near the hospital or on the road. It stopped being about nourishing our bodies. Sure, we made it a point to sit down as a family every single night. We cooked a healthy square meal and sat as a family. But that wasn’t the food that made us fat. That wasn’t the behavior that got us into trouble. That wasn’t where there was clearly addictive tendencies.
This photo was taken when Kailey was 6 months old.
And here I am now, 18 months post Sleeve Gastrectomy. Happily sporting a size 10 jeans, a large top, watching that damn scale play between 175 and 185lbs (seriously those Christmas cookies were a bitch!) and I have to confess to you that I STILL to this day, want nothing more than to hit the bakery when I have a really crappy day! Fortunately I live in Georgia where they wouldn’t know what a good bakery was if it landed on top of them. And even then, the chances that a bakery in Georgia having a Linzer Tart is about as likely as a pig with wings. So I’m safe, for now.
Kevin is 1 month post his sleeve gastrectomy and he is down 50lbs. He is learning the ropes well.
We both see the behaviors. We know them, can target them, can talk about them. THAT is a big deal, ya know? It takes a lot to be able to say “wow, I did this to myself” But folks, I did this to myself. Certain foods comfort me, when nothing else can. Even now.
7 Responses to Is there one moment that ties into your obesity?
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I feel your pain. This year I will be 3 years post op from Gastric Bypass. I struggle with my addiction EVERYDAY. My goal was to be 200 lbs from 374lbs…and I have never made it to my 200lbs…Sure I have lost 170lbs ( an entire person ), but those damn food cravings never seen to go away. It’s like I have to tell my inner “child”, NO, put that down! My lowest weight was 204 last year and I’ve gained up to 210 as of today! Keep on fighting this fight guys! Food addiction seems to be worse that smoking to me some days….We can do this, but need the support of each other more and more as our post op days grow. Good luck!
Thank you Christy <3
An incredibly honest turn of the lens. “I did this to myself.” And, I get that. I keep it real with myself just that much too. For me, I ate a wonderfully healthful diet. I prided myself on my gourmet tendencies, my attention to building a balanced meal.
But I didn’t move enough.
I was living a life in stasis, like the prediction of our future (now?) world in the Disney/Pixar film Wall-E. Yup, I have my comfort foods, and that is in very present tense, because even after getting the so-called “Gold Standard” in weight loss surgeries, the DS, there are still delicious & yummy ways a patient can eat around her tool.
Great article.
BlackBerry Mama recently posted..Duodenal Switch: Sandwich Induced Carb Coma
I totally stopped moving as well. My husband is culinary institute of America graduate. We have some good home cooked meals! Gourmet! But for us, the food became a way to numb the hurts and fears. And it still is. Knowing it is helpful. But when our world feels like its going to fall apart, even with surgery, sometimes old habits come crashing down.
What a powerful post. For me I’m not sure, I have no one moment just a jumble of lots of moments. It’s great that you have each other for support, through the difficult time you experienced and the weight loss journey you are currently experiencing. Christmas cookies are a bitch!
tz recently posted..seriously?
I agree. I did this to myself. It started in 2006 when I went back to grad school. I worked full-time, I also had a part-time job and went to grad classes. My days were from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m., and I was eating lots of fast food. I also wasn’t moving very much. I did a lot of work on the computer — reading and writing with very little movement. I gained about 60 pounds. It was impossible to get the weight off and keep it off.
Linda, I think its pretty common. A lot of us end up getting wrapped up in life, making poor choices and hating to move LOL at least I did. Here’s to awareness, new beginnings, healthy choices and that damn exercise!