Then and now & Now and then.

I went to see my surgeon today. I need to get labs redrawn, so I had to go see him first. Makes sense right? NO it does not! Give me the labs, let me get them drawn, I’ll see ya next week for results! NOPE. Go in, say “HEY” do the “You look great” thing with the entire staff, some of whom I have never seen before, but I guess it’s their standard hello there. Then go into the back with the nurse, who says “Hope on Mr. Scale” <puke> not because of the scale, but because it was named “Mr.Scale” <double puke>

Now I have sort of, kind of, kept a running tally in my head as to how many lbs I have dropped. It got sketchy there, because I was sure my highest weight was not recorded with this doctor but with my OBGYN. Anyway, I was  wrong. Its recorded.

I have lost 140lbs. I have lost the equivalent of a human. The size of one of my teenage nieces. More than 3 of my children combined.

It has been 10 months since my surgery, and I have stalled more times than I care to count. I have had to change routine, diet, and exercise frequently. I STILL struggle to hit 1000 calories in a day (if I’m keeping it healthy. Unhealthy eating can get me an easy 1K). I have watched my clothing go from a size 24/26 to a size 12. I have struggled with clothing size changes each and every time. The anxiety that the fitting room brings is unexplainable. I still fear getting stuck in a shirt or a dress, or ripping the item I am trying on.

I can recall getting on the scale day after day and not seeing the numbers change, and I can recall getting on the scale and seeing 8lbs gone in one day. There really is no rhyme or reason or rational explanation as to how the numbers decide to move.

Every day I get out of the shower and notice changes in my body. Recently I have noticed that my shadow has slimmed down too. I don’t know why that was surprising to me, but I stood there and stared at the slimness of that shadow, marveling in how I have not noticed it until now.

I have documented changes here both physically and mentally. There are social changes as well. I feel as though my first blog post (about mean girls) was written yesterday. I feel as if I was just looking at the WLS community from the outside, but I know that I have planted my feet proudly on the inside of the community and I work passionately to be helpful and knowledgeable.

For some reason, having the doctor note the amount of pounds gone was a bit of a mind boggle. So much so that I came home and did the math myself, and realized I had shorted myself 10lbs.

This weight seems to have come off quickly, sometimes with struggles, other times effortlessly. It is surreal how much of a whirlwind it has been. One day saying “someday I will be under 200lbs” and another day saying “I remember when I hit 200lbs”.

Its daunting for me to think of how long it will take me to get to goal. Another 25lbs, the honeymoon is nearly over. The magic that is weight slipping away over night is over already. The days of working harder, being more active, pushing myself physically are the here and now. What will I look like at goal? What size will I wear? What else is going to change between now and then? I’ll keep you updated as I learn more every day.

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